Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
