So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
