I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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