I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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