Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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