I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
