Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
