i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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