i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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