he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
