Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
