There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
