my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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