I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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