like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
