Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
