just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
