after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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