from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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