it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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