Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize