so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
