omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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