i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
