My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
