Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
