no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I touched a dick in church today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
