im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize