new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
