Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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