I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Life is so much better after having sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We are two peas in an std pod
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
