is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
