Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
