Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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