having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
