This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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