so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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