if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
