Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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