I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
