got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
