wakey wakey hands off snakey
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
