dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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