I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
