i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
