Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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