When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Drunk is not a location!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize