it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
