also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
