what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize