and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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