Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
