dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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