mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
