Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
