The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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