A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
