If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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