fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
