dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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