her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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