This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
