you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
