if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
