I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
