i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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