you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
