I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
