Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
