Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
