I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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