Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Green mimosas i think yes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize